Finding Love in Life

I’ve been divorced for about 10 years now. We were emotionally separated long before that and our relationship was more like that of house mates … not even roommates, because they typically do SOME things together.

I’ve dated a couple of people on and off during this time and, for a while, thought I’d connected with someone that I wanted to share my life with. I discovered though that we could spend time together DOING things, but he never wanted to just BE with me. You know, just relaxing at the house and enjoying quiet conversation and each other’s company. I realized we didn’t want the same things out of life and that there was no compromise because what lit me up was quiet simplicity and his driving force was being gone ALL the time and accumulating “stuff”.

So, while we’re still friends and see each other occasionally, I’m enjoying my own company and know that I will align with the right person at the right time. As I was enjoying my coffee this morning, waiting for the sun to wake up, I got to thinking that I want to fall in love with WHO someone is … the core of their being. In the past, I’ve met and fallen in love with their physical presence. That’s not to say that I only wanted them physically, but I didn’t look deeply at WHO they were and our ability to be good companions for one another in old age.

Maybe it’s because age is creeping up on me and my radar for companionship is stronger these days. Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction is important, and I’m definitely not too old to enjoy good sex! But I want to know, understand, love, and be with someone for who they are … deep down at their heart, at their core. I want their values and integrity to align with mine and know that just sitting and sharing a sunrise or sunset together is enough to make our hearts sing … simply because we are THAT connected.

I’m talking to an old friend now … someone that seems to be like me. We’re physically miles apart and I don’t know when we’ll see each other. But I was thinking this morning that it’s more than OK. I can really get to know him and WHO he is … I can connect with his soul and inner being through long conversations, letters, and text messages. I can learn about what he likes and doesn’t like … and he can do the same. We will know if we are compatible because we will have gotten to truly know one another. If we are, that’s great. If not, we will have become better friends.

I want to fall in love with someone … not because we spend time together and the chemical connection increases … I want to fall in love with the very essence of who he is and what he stands for in life. I want to know that we can spend hours talking and that we can honor each other’s thoughts and feelings and share each other’s hopes and dreams … not only just to confide and keep a secret but trusting that the other has our back and will be there as an encourager when the going gets rough.

I want to know, love, and trust my guy (whoever that is) from the very core of his being and I want him to feel the same about me. Even though I know we may not always be at the same place on the path, I want us to be walking in the same direction as we navigate this journey called Life.